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Saturday, 11 October 2014

Pity Party For One

“I am both happy and sad at the same time, and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.”
Stephen Chbosky

I wasn't planning on writing a life post this week because I didn't really have any inspiration for one, so I was just going to skip ahead to another review. I watched How I Live Now last night and plan to put a review up about it on Monday, all being well. But now I find myself writing this post because I feel like throwing myself a pity party. Okay, it's not really a pity party. Things are okay. I'm happy. Well... I've been a little off. I've been feeling sad and I guess, empty? I can't really explain it, but I also feel happy too. I feel excited about the future and the things I want to do and have planned, but at the same time there's this heaviness in my chest. Not in the 'is my breathing or heart fucked up' kind of heaviness. Like an emotional heaviness or emptiness, and I have no idea why. Because in most respects I'm pretty content.

Aside from that, I've been feeling a little run down. My appetite is pretty non-existent (unless you count an addiction to Lidl's Snicker's rip offs), so I'm not eating much. And my skin - particularly my face - feels really dry and sensitive. I've been using Diprobase my doctor prescribed me on it, but it's not really doing anything. It still feels really tight, particularly the bridge of my nose. I don't know if it's possibly the fact I've been using Nivea face wash and my skin is too sensitive. (Anyone recommend a good moisturising face wash?) I've also been wearing make up a lot more often since I'm going out more.

To be honest, I'm wondering if it's all related to the fact I'm doing so much more than I used to do. I used to think I was going well if I went out once a week, but I have so much more of a desire to do things these days. I don't enjoy wasting time half as much as I used to. Even when I'm in the house I'm usually working on blog stuff, puppy minding or doing homework. It used to take me a couple of days to get over going out and want to go out again, but I don't feel like that anymore. I have so much more motivation than I used to, and I love it. But I just wonder if it's taking it's toll without me really realising. Or maybe it's completely unrelated. Maybe I just need to look after myself better and be more healthy.

I'm really enjoying life at the moment and I'm really happy with the progress I've made with getting out more, being more independent and trying to be more social and less anxious. I really hope my body and introverted nature aren't trying to tell me to slow down, because I don't want to.

On a small side note. My little sister Eva posted up her first post of her new blog today. She finally got herself a new laptop, and wanted to start fresh after her last attempt at blogging which ended up being all of one post. Anyway, hopefully this time she'll stick at it. I think she could be really great. Please check out her blog and show her some blogging community love! http://evostick.blogspot.co.uk/

Also! My little man Edwin turned 6 months yesterday. I can barely believe how much he's grown up since I got him. It happens so fast. While we were out for a walk yesterday, Eva and I booked him and Berty in to be neutered on Tuesday. It's probably silly, but I'm nervous about it. I always am when it comes to anything that involves them being sedated. But yeah, he's really grown into a typical chihuahua. Barks at everything, and he's pretty possessive over his territory... which includes me. Still, I wouldn't change him for the world. Well I mean, probably the barking and the possessiveness that we're trying to train out of him... but I mostly wouldn't change him for the world.



  1. "An emotional heaviness or emptiness, and I have no idea why."

    You've summed up exactly how I am feeling at the moment! I don't get why I'm feeling like it, as I don't feel down about anything, that I can think of...

    Edwin is THE CUTEST.


    1. As much as it's nice being relatable, I'm sorry you're feeling that way too! But yeah, I think that's the worst because you have no idea what to fix, if it is indeed fixable. I'm feeling a good bit better now, but it's still there. I'm just doing my best to keep myself busy and distracted from it.

      Thanks! Having a bit of a nightmare with him at the moment since having him neutered. He's lucky he's so cute. Lol.


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