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Tuesday, 19 May 2015

Relationships: Things I've Learned

"I want passion. Even if it's harder and hurts more."

Today I thought I would share some things I've learned from my past relationships. As I said in my My Bae Requirements post, our past relationships mould how we view relationships and potential mates. It's only by trial and error we learn to navigate these (relation)ships. It's important we learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others and put every lesson into practice next time around. Nobody's learning curve is ever going to be the same and no relationship is ever going to be perfect but we can always strive to be as close to it as possible. So this is a little bit of a more serious follow up to My Bae Requirements. Things I have learned and that I hope will help me find the right person and right relationship next time I happen to fall for someone.

Don't be in a relationship just because you don't want to be alone. I see so many people who jump into relationship after relationship. I mean, I've been that person. It sounds clich├ęd but I don't think you can truly be happy in a relationship once you've learned how to be happy alone. I feel like that's when you have the best judgement when it comes to relationships. When you're less likely to settle or compromise things you shouldn't. Things you might regret later. I'm not saying don't test the waters. I'm not saying don't go out and sleep with a platoon of Marines. All I'm saying is make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. And also make sure the person or people involved are also on board with those reasons.

Do retain that independence once you find a partner. Don't fall back into that pattern of relying on someone else. Don't make someone else responsible for your happiness or filling your time. Don't neglect the life and social life you made by yourself and build it all around them. Again, I've been on both sides of this coin. The clinger and the clingee. It happens so easily. During that honeymoon period, when you're so completely consumed by that special someone. It's easy to be lost in it. When I was younger I thought it was normal, romantic even, to want to spend 24/7 with each other. And I'm sure for some people it works but personally I don't think it's healthy to build everything around another person. On you or them.

Don't be afraid to call me out on my shit and don't be offended when I call you out on yours. Don't be afraid to argue with me. I don't mean picking at the little things each other do. Constantly arguing isn't a good thing but being able to disagree and come out stronger is important. Letting things slide is a sure fire way to end up resenting each other.

Do pick your battles. Like I said, arguing can be healthy and it's part of being in a relationship. But you have to pick your battles. Nobody wants a hostile relationship. To constantly feel attacked. Nobody is perfect and in turn nobody is perfect for each other. That's what makes things interesting. 

Don't try and 'fix' someone. Be there for them and offer support but in most cases trying to 'fix' someone is a futile endeavour. And expecting someone to do it for you is just the same. 

Do talk. About anything and everything. From the ridiculous to the serious. Also, every conversation doesn't have to some how relate back to sex. Crazy, I know. Open lines of communication is what every healthy relationship needs. Why waste time wondering what's going on in your partner's head? Trying to guess where you stand with each other. Ain't nobody got time for that. I also think you should be able to share every crazy little thing that pops into your head and and vice versa. I mean being able to share your crazy with someone and knowing theirs definitely makes you feel better your weird. 

Don't feel the need to lavish someone with gifts, especially expensive ones because personally I ain't doing it for you in return. Don't get me wrong, I'm not stingy. I love spoiling the people I love. I love showing someone how much I care for them. I just don't believe it has to be via material means. I think there comes a point when it loses it's meaning. It stops being special. 

Do this every once in a while. Kiss like it's your first time. Remember that feeling. It's important.

What are some things past relationships have taught you?


  1. Great post! :)
    As you've said it's so easy to get all caught up in that loved up, soppy faze and sort of loose sense of yourself and who you are but the relationship will work so much better if you just both stay true to yourselves x

    1. Thank you! :)
      Exactly. I think that's the difference between an immature relationship and a mature one. :) x


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