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Sunday, 24 September 2017

I'm back, bitches! ...again


Howdy and welcome to my first post in forever! Back at the end of February, I wrote an 'I'm back!' update post. It was supposed to be the first of many after a four, maybe almost five, month hiatus. I then also wrote a small post for rare disease day, after which I fell off the face of the blogging earth again. Back when I wrote those posts, I had fully intended on getting back into the swing of things again but it quickly became apparent that I wasn't ready yet.

The hiatus had come out of nowhere the first time round. I just felt like I needed some time to just enjoy life without worrying about my blog. A blog that was supposed to be fun but soon made me feel like I was wasting an opportunity any time I decided to just enjoy the moment rather than stopping to take an abundance of photos for the inevitable blog post I'd write later. It didn't help that I'd been absorbed into a Norwegian teen drama called Skam and was spending the majority of my time on Tumblr with my Skam fandom friends, waiting for the latest Skam content to drop. So I decided to abandon ship for a while and concentrate on other things I enjoyed at the time because truthfully, I wasn't enjoying blogging. 

Things got a little more serious after February. I'm not going to go too into detail but if I thought my mental health wasn't 100% in the few months before then, it really went down hill after that. My panic attacks came back and I became very paranoid. A lot of my paranoia centred around the internet and that's when I took my blog down and began to reevaluate if I wanted to continue with it at all. If you follow me on social media, you may or may not have noticed I changed a lot of my info online, deleted a lot of content and in some cases deleted profiles and accounts altogether.

Honestly, it was a very intense and scary time and while I'm still not 100% and I'm still actively keeping on top of my anxiety and irrational thoughts, I'm doing a lot better. I'm at least at a point where posting content online doesn't make me feel immense fear. The worries are still there, under the surface but I'm more on top of them now. I'm sure this is in large part due to the fact I was prescribed antidepressants for the anxiety. 

Almost a year has passed since I've blogged routinely and it's safe to say I'm actually starting to miss it. I had thought about starting over, maybe concentrating on writing reviews. Something a little less personal, that'd make me feel less vulnerable. However, I've never been very good at keeping to a niche or a theme. And while I love writing reviews, I also loved writing about things that people really connect with. I loved writing about important things, sharing my experiences or opinions and creating a dialogue with others and having the opportunity to learn from each other. I really don't want some irrational fears getting in the way of that. 

So what does that mean? It means I'm going to take things day by day, post by post and I'm going to ease myself back in but I'm not going to take anything off the table. I'm not going to box myself or my blog, in. But rather than focusing on updates on things I've been up to while I was gone, I'm going to concentrate on the future. I'm also going to make sure I take time to enjoy things in the moment too, find more of a balance than I had before.

I'm looking forward to getting stuck back into creating content, building up my blog again and reconnecting with those of my old readers that have stuck around and the new people that might stop by in the future. I hope everyone has been good and 2017 has treated you well so far. It's hard to believe we're basically on the count down to 2018 already. Let's hope I can make the rest of the blogging year count!

2 comments:

  1. Welcome back! I totally understand the online paranoia. I'm struggling with a lot of that myself.

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's a difficult thing to overcome because there is a rational side to it. I hope you're doing better tho! xo

    ReplyDelete

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