"Life is messy. Love is imperfect. People are flawed."
This week I received this lovely comment, 'I love this post. You're style of writing just makes me want to read more, have you ever considered writing a short story?' from the lovely Amy Hall of Smooth Amy on my review of Love, Rosie. It was such a lovely comment and it got me to thinking I haven't really talked much about fiction writing. I love writing fiction and have a few stories in the works, but truth be told it's something I find myself procrastinating more with because I'm more of a tougher critic of myself when it comes to my fiction than my blog writing. Rightly or wrongly so. That being said, this comment encouraged me to perhaps incorporate my fiction into my blog. Use it as a way to practice and also get feedback. This first piece I've decided to share is actually a short story I wrote for my GCSE English creative writing controlled assessment. There were a couple of different prompts we could use, but the one I went with was 'write a love story or a love/hate story.' I'll let you read it and then explain a little bit about where I got my inspiration.

It wasn't always that simple. Sometimes the hug would only last ten seconds and other times it went on for what seemed like forever. Summer would feel him softening in her arms, only for him to steel himself against her touch once more. On those occasions he would pull out of her grasp and despite the small feeling of reluctance she could feel radiating off him, he would leave. He would walk out the door without looking back but he would be back. He always came back.
However, this time was different. Summer couldn't put her finger on why but she could just feel it. His body language screamed determination. His motions weren't jerky or hesitant like the times before. Systemically, he moved throughout the room and packed his belongings. Today there would be no breaking his resolve. Finality hung in the air around them like a thick smog, causing her every breath to clog in her lungs. She could not move. She could not speak. All Summer could do was watch as her one constant prepared to leave her.
It seems ludicrous that someone who was constantly leaving could be considered a constant but that's what Winter was to her. Oh yes, Summer and Winter. Their names were like the punchline to a joke. The funny thing was their names couldn't have fit them any better. Summer Deyes and Winter Knight.



Summer and Winter had met at an AA meeting. Romantic, I know. Winter had landed himself there after a DUI but Summer was there voluntarily. She'd first noticed him when he'd arrived late to his first meeting. Being the ball of sunshine she was, Summer liked to welcome newcomers to make them feel at home. Much the same way she'd been welcomed.


Each time another Joe left, Nora would drink more to ease the pain. Pain that she would take out on Summer. Never physically. No. Maybe that would have been easier because at least physical bruises heal. However the emotional wounds left on her heart by the vile words her mother had used against her would be with her forever. Even so, they weren't enough to drive Summer to drink. That had been caused by the fights. Fights full of screaming and shouting that Nora would have with whatever Joe had decided to leave. Fights that went on for hours. Eventually leading on to the many nights of crying and throwing up that Summer would have to listen to through paper thin walls as her mum drank herself into oblivion until the next Joe came along.

Nora's death from alcohol poisoning, when Summer was seventeen, had been the wake up call Summer needed to seek help. Help that didn't come from a bottle. Her mother's death was like a door closing on her old life. A door that would remain ajar until she'd fully kicked the habit. Okay, habit wasn't a strong enough word. Addiction. Until she'd fully kicked the addiction.

Two years later, when Summer was twenty, she still found herself going along to meetings. This was when she'd met Winter. She didn't go because she felt like she needed to but because she enjoyed it. She enjoyed remembering where she had come from and helping others to where she was now. Free of addiction. Well, as much as one can be. She also liked being a reminder that alcoholism isn't something that only happens to older people. Addiction doesn't discriminate and she was living proof you're never too young to seek help.
A drawer closing on the other side of the room brought Summer's thoughts, which had wandered off into the past, back to the present. Her brow furrowed as she frowned a little. It had never occurred to her that despite her best efforts she wasn't so unlike her mother. Sure she didn't drink to numb herself to the world anymore but she was still living in a cycle. A cycle of being left. Perhaps she'd convinced herself she was different because her cycle didn't involve a series of men but a single man. A man she loved and she was certain loved her in return. Or maybe it was because she had never fully needed to come to terms with Winter's leaving because she was always sure he'd come back. Until today at least.
Summer remembered the day she fell in love with Winter like it was yesterday. Okay, she didn't fall so much as stumble. For so long all she could see was his denial and reluctance to let anyone in. She'd taken it as a challenge. Slowly she wormed her way in, convinced there was more to the man beneath the indifferent exterior.

Suddenly Winter was walking towards her and Summer's heart began to speed up. This was new. Every time he had prepared to leave her before he hadn't been able to bring himself to look at her. This time he was making a point to. Her eyes slid closed for a second and she took a deep breath, reluctantly meeting his gaze once he came to a stop in front of her. "I..." she began to speak but he raised a hand to stop her. "Please, let me," he said as he reached out to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear before cupping her cheek in his comforting palm, "I love you." Her breath hitched as she looked into the stormy depths of his eyes and realised what he was doing. He was saying goodbye. If there had been any doubt in her mind that he wasn't coming back, she was rid of it now.

"I love you so much, but it isn't enough. I'm not enough," he grimaced as he spoked and she could see pain written over his features. Pain she felt should be mirrored in her own but wasn't. What she didn't understand was that if it was causing him so much pain, why was he determined to leave? "For so long you have tried to fix me or at least steer me in the right direction. Even when I made it so difficult for you and put up such a fight. I scoffed at you when you told me you understood why I drank." He slid his hands down her arms to take hers and she remembered back to when she'd told him she understood. That unlike her, he didn't drink to escape what was going on around him. Rather he drank to escape something in himself. A thing that was a lot more difficult to fix.
"You were right," he carried on, "I realise that now. I drink to get away from myself but all it really does is take me away from you. I can't keep leaving you. I won't turn you into your mother." Winter paused for a moment to look at her as if to check she was following what he was saying. He must have been satisfied with whatever he read on her expression because he carried on. "I can't love you like you deserve until I learn to love myself. I need to fill this void with something other than booze and then maybe I can be the kind of man someone like you deserves." He squeezed her hands and looked into her eyes almost pleadingly. Pleading with her to understand. Pleading with her not to hate him.

So when it came to it she found herself uttering a simple, "Okay." Winter's eyes widened a little and she realised she'd shocked him with her easy acceptance of what he'd said. So she carried on, "I was wrong to think I could hold you together. Hold us together. You deserve better than that too. You deserve real happiness and love and that begins with real happiness within yourself and real love for yourself." As she said the words she realised those were things she needed for herself too. For so long her world had revolved around their relationship and trying to avoid the next time he'd leave. It would be unfair to say that in the five years they'd been together she'd never felt true happiness, but her happiness had been in his hands. And that wasn't fair either.



The End
So there you have it. The first piece of fiction I've shared on my blog. I decided to do something a little different with the prompt and went with a break up of two people who still loved each other and the theme of self love. Part of my inspiration came from RuPaul's quote, "If you can't love yourself how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?" that he says at the end of every episode of RuPaul's Drag Race. I'm also a firm believer that you cannot be truly happy until you learn to be happy by yourself. You should never let someone be responsible for your happiness, nor should you let someone make you responsible for theirs. It's toxic.
If you would like to see more of this type of post in the future please let me know. I'm also happy to take prompt requests, because that might be fun! Challenge myself. Anyway! Back to your regular programming tomorrow with My Week In Words. Hope everyone is having a nice weekend.
So....I'm going to need you to turn this into a 10 book series, okay? :)
ReplyDeleteThat was a really amazing story and I loved the visuals you added. I hope you post more!
Amanda | teatimetails.com
Aha! Maybe I'll write about them meeting a few years later or something. That might be fun! :D
DeleteThank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :) xo
Not a bad short story maybe it wasn't deep enough in terms of Alcoholism or AA but it read well. What grade did you get?
ReplyDeleteI found the animated gifs distracting but I can see why you added them. Maybe it's just because I'm a guy and find it difficult to imagine a scene in my head when there are moving pics of other characters.
Yeah, it wasn't really supposed to be about them being alcoholics or going to AA, it was about their relationship as the prompt was a love story. That's just a little bit of back story. Plus I had to be able to write it in 2 hours or so, so I couldn't go too much into detail. :D I haven't got the grade yet.
DeleteYeah, I guess that's just a personal preference thing. I thought they broke up the wall of text a bit and visually they were supposed to be the characters in the scenes. Not other characters. :)
I loved this post, it's so cool being able to read other people's work and it always inspires me to write more myself and keep going with creativity! I love the prompt you used and the your style of writing is lovely, very descriptive and the character's names were brilliantly done. Lovely post and I'd love to see more! - Tasha
ReplyDeleteThank you! Yeah, I find that too. Or just reading in general inspires me. I've been putting fiction on a back burner though, so perhaps incorporating it with my blog will motivate me to keep up with it and also help me improve! Thanks for the lovely compliments. :) xo
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